youth – Chocolate Flavoured Girl

Stop with all the Nigerian accent BS

God, I hate all these “Nigerian accent” things…there’s no such thing as a Nigerian accent for crying out loud! We don’t even speak the same native language or share the same ethnicity. You can’t tell me I sound like Musa, your Hausa neighbor, or Chika, your Igbo aunt. I don’t even sound like Iya Kasala, and we’re probably from the same state. Neither do I sound like the president of my country -_-

You can’t imitate a Nigerian accent, because it doesn’t exist. And you make people look stupid. 😑 If you say try to imitate an accent from Nigeria, that’s fine- pick and choose, Fulani, Ibibio, Igbo, Oyo (even though they’re Yoruba, they still sound very distinct), your daddy from Ogbomosho (again, also Yoruba, but very distinct). Don’t just come here and be insinuating that we sound anything alike. Maybe if we had a common native language called ‘Nigerian’, we could have a ‘Nigerian’ accent. But we DO NOT. We all (mostly) speak English with accents derived from a mix of our native tongues, and education.

I understand there has to be some generalization cos everyone in the world speaks differently. It’s okay, generalize all Yoruba people. I still maintain that I don’t sound like daddy Ogbomosho though 🙄 Cool though. Yoruba people: We all add ‘h’ to the beginning of every word that starts with a vowel, and take away the ‘h’ from every actual h-word. And just fuck words up generally. H’am h’espetin ‘Arry Potta part 2 h’in d mail toe-marrow (I’m expecting Harry Potter 2 in the mail tomorrow). 😒 I don’t sound like that though do I? Asides the h’ocashuna (occasional) slip up. ☺️☺️

Anyway, point h’is (oops ☺️): there is no such thing as a Nigerian accent. We don’t have a common native language that could commonly accent our English. So many native languages, so many great (and at times killer) versions of the English language, so many, ‘far too distinct to be generalized’ accents.

‘Ope you af h’enjoy diz pieze. ✌🏾️✌🏾

P.S: the only general rules that will probably apply are more in the area of mannerisms- open your mouth as wide as you can, always shout, always sound angry and aggressive, gesture intensely too. When laughing, slap your neighbor’s back really hard cos the laugh is just too much to handle, also, occasionally throw your arms, and legs around when laughing, and if possible take out the next person’s eye while at it. 😒

Happy Independence Day Nigeria…

The tears pour out of my eyes uncontrollably. Nigeria at 53 let us celebrate. But what, I ask, is there to celebrate?

I’m not a sadist or a pessimist of any sort and if you may think of me in that line, or are uncomfortable with my honesty, please go and shoot yourself or something.

Nigeria is 53; celebrate. BULLSHIT!

The families of those students who were killed in Yobe yesterday should celebrate what exactly please? A country that cannot protect its own citizenry?

Oh yes! Let them celebrate how their sons were murdered, some as they slept, by some disillusioned psychopaths.

Let them celebrate a country that cannot keep its citizenry gainfully occupied, either in school or with work, thus creating an army of foot soldiers for terrorist groups.

Yes! Let us celebrate the 40 soldiers who were killed in that ambush and the 60 who are still unaccounted for.

Let us celebrate the innocent keke riders who were brutally murdered by the army. Or maybe indeed Boko Haram operatives will actually choose a place as conspicuous as an uncompleted building as an abode.

Let us celebrate all the souls that are lost everyday up North, while that sad, good for nothing, pathetic and unfortunate joke of a government sits in Aso Rock, improving their retardation skills daily.

Let us celebrate the million and one exceptionally creative and talented minds that are on the streets untapped.

Let us celebrate all the graduates and able bodied individuals who are on the streets homeless, jobless, almost lifeless. Let us celebrate the hopelessness and misfortune they grovel in and their eventual decision to turn to vices of all sorts. Because I tell you as a matter of fact, some of those agberos were once geniuses in their classes.

Let us celebrate the clueless leaders we have; the handicapped never do wells allowing themselves to be led by other blind and brainless entities. Let us celebrate how they continue to lie to the world that Nigeria is fine, meanwhile, the North has become mini Syria.

Let us celebrate “President” Jonathan, who had the audacity to tell Kenyatta that Nigeria would support Kenya with whatever it needs to combat terrorism. We’re that good isn’t it? We’re so good that the Boko Haram leader, Shekau shamed our entire government, parading them as the fools they really are.

Let us celebrate the students who have been at home since July, because the government is too consumed with asininity, greed and a life threatening case of myopia that they cannot even process what a lack of proper education does to any society. Forgive me for trying to assume that the government has the capacity to even think.

Let us celebrate the lawlessness, wickedness and hostility that are more than rampant among us today. Let us celebrate all the bitterness, resentment and animosity we harbor in our hearts towards one another.

Let us celebrate all the “big men” who think they own the world and as such, choose to oppress the “commoners” who have no place in society.

Let us celebrate our 70% poverty rate which the government seems to be indifferent about, while we watch as Hong Kong is thinking up ways to drastically reduce theirs of 20%.

Let us celebrate our non-existent youth leaders; at least that’s how our leaders view it, and frankly, I cannot totally disagree with them.

Let us celebrate all the mothers of tomorrow who are steadily ruining their lives and families now. Let us celebrate all the families of tomorrow that will be without fathers. Let us celebrate all the marriages that will never just work out. Let us celebrate our misguided, lost and unfortunate generation.

Let us celebrate all those who have died in vain; all our dearly beloved martyrs who died thinking they were paving the way to a better Nigeria. And look how we have all just defecated on that nicely paved road.

Let us celebrate all the injustice in Nigeria; all those who have been killed wrongly and all those who will still be killed for no just cause. Let us celebrate a justice system that cannot, as in does not have the capacity to serve justice. Let us celebrate the Aluu 4 whose families may never see justice served.

Let us celebrate every dream that has been crushed and thwarted, every flicker of hope that has been put out and every fire of passion, enthusiasm, zeal and patriotism that has been completely extinguished…

I plan to wear all black tomorrow and mourn my lost country…

I see a bright future, but on a day that is meant to be a celebration of freedom from colonial rule, why can I only see more oppression all around?

We freed ourselves from colonial rule only to willingly enter into the bondage of our own selfishness, greed and hate.

I won’t lie; I will say it as it is. I don’t care who reads this or what impression this gives the world about my country. I quit lying and fooling myself like the rest of you.

I weep for my selfishness, wickedness. I cry because I am inconsiderate, intolerable and rash. I wail because I want to learn patience, love, honesty and hard work, but I am surrounded by a consuming negativity. I mourn for we have all gone astray. We pledged to service, duty and love, but we have only succeeded in killing ourselves, ruining our lives and cursing ourselves.

Nigeria at 53; I mourn my country…

Yobe: A state in Northern Nigeria.

Aso Rock: the seat of power in Nigeria.

Boko Haram: a terrorist group in Nigeria with links to Al-Qaeda.

Keke: a tricycle.

Agbero: a tout or hooligan who constitutes a nuisance in society. “Agberos” is the colloquial plural.

Aluu: a community in Rivers state, Nigeria where four University of Port-Harcourt students were beaten to death and then burnt alive by the town’s people for a crime they did not commit. It was the most horrific scene ever. I cried for days unend and lost my ability to sleep.