dreams – Chocolate Flavoured Girl

Hope

I dream of a tomorrow bright and shiny, borne from a yesterday gloomy and bleak. I envision a future ripe with plenty, to quench the hunger of the past, sate this thirst I was born into. I see a time to come with joy and dancing, atonement for suffering and strife of days gone past. I see in tomorrow big, bold lights, to illuminate the darkness that rid my yesterday. I dream of a future with color and music, birthed by a silent past in greyscale. I envision a day to come with prosperity, and wealth in the most divine of senses, an atonement for the need and hardships of days gone past.

I look to a place beyond the horizon, green and flowing with life; healing, and resurrection from the ashes that mark this ground. I look to a place in the skies, vast, with beauty incomparable, growing from the seed of sacrifice in this small space with little to live on. I look to a place so close, yet so far; a dream so fickle, yet so real. A place where the real and the unreal mingle; a place where earth and sky collide. A place where divinity meets humanity. A place where royalty greets the common man in humble adoration. A place of liberation from the shackles of a time which must now end.

I look to a future beautiful and peaceful, borne out of the pain of yesterday, and the hope we had through it all.
(Photo Credit: Google search, http://www.ifreex.deviantart.com)

New Week! ^.^

I am the kind of person who’s more extrinsically motivated than intrinsically. However, the sad truth about this is that people are only human; in this sense, never completely reliable. This doesn’t mean anyone is bad or in the wrong, it just simply means we all have our individual battles to fight, and cannot truly truly always always be there for someone else.

This has negatively affected me so many times, and once I lose contact with the person motivating me, I feel lost, dead, and confused. I guess I’m a bit clingy…not in an annoying way I hope. At the same time, I’m not too good at making friends, so once I make that one friend, I’m done for the year. Very terrible extremes I tell you.

As part of my growth process, I’m coming to learn, and discover that sometimes, I’ll be alone. I’ll have to fight that monster alone, face that fear alone, overcome that challenge alone. No parents, no Ife, no Dapo, no Yemi, no Banke, no Mide, no Dolapo just Omolajipe and her ears. I’m coming to understand that these times are not meant to show me how unkind or unavailable people are, but rather are a test of the stuff I’m made of.

It is at this point that God wants to know how much faith I have in him, and how much I believe in my capacity, and ability to excel and overcome. So as you begin your week, know that the battle is not to destroy you, but to get you to know, understand, and appreciate your worth.

And as you discover yourself each day, and get a clearer picture of the magnitude of the greatness you were born to achieve, I pray that you find that that is enough motivation to get you to run, and never want to rest.

Have an absolutely amazing, and fantastic Monday, and week ahead.

Love,
Omolajipe…xx

I don’t know

Photo Credit: www.lovethispic.com — Photo Credit: http://www.lovethispic.com

Too many times in my short life, I’ve been told no. I’m too young, not smart enough, not wealthy enough, not connected enough. I’ve lived a lie for the better part of my life, wearing a pleasant smile to cover up the sleepless nights rid with unending tears. I have tried to make myself happy, accept my circumstances as they are; I have tried to be contented. But contentment no longer works; I am tired of fate. I dream every second, literally every second. Writing and rewriting scripts for my live over and over in my head. I dream in past tense, like these things have already happened. I don’t have just one singular dream, but I dream to be anything and everything. I feel lost many times, confused and so alone. I am too ashamed to open up; the pain in admitting to poverty just breaks my heart. So I go around not as me, but as a shadow of someone I once was…

Anyone ever get tired of being told no? Well I am. I am tired of being told I’m not good enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough, not tall enough, not wealthy enough. I am tired of all the disappointment, and promises that end up with the rest of the garbage outside. I am hoping and aspiring and dreaming, with no way to realize these dreams. I am tired of being afraid, being ashamed. I am tired of settling, and accepting whatever I get because I nothing else is within my supposed grasp. I am tired of feeling like a ‘nobody’ with zero ability. I am praised regularly, “Oh you’re so smart, you write so well, you’re a brilliant student”. But what do I have to show for it? I feel it is all my fault most times. I probably don’t take my life seriously enough, or understand the real life impact of the decisions I make. Maybe, just maybe if I had taken a different path along the line, I could have somehow avoided these things.

At this point, we all go through the normal process of blaming our backgrounds for our limitations, and trace ever anomaly to our childhood days. I won’t be any exception to this, because I would simply be lying if I try to pretend I had a happy childhood. I was not a very happy child, school was my escape from life. But strangely, I may not have tapped into it enough for it to spur me on to my desired level in life. I have taken pride in doing well at school; that is the only thing I have. But doing well at school is not satisfying anymore. Why do I feel so empty? Why do I feel there has to be more to life? I feel so much energy in me these days, like there is so much I could be doing… I am becoming more melancholic by the day. Keeping to myself more and more, alienating the world. In many of my dreams, I end up alone…but successful. I don’t mind, but I wonder if it will be worth it. What should my goal in life be? What should define success in life for me? What should I be in life? I have different answers at different times of the day.

This is really not a plea for pity or feigned empathy. It is just an emotional exercise for me. My eyes are swollen from the tears, I have begged and called on a God who I am not even sure is interested in me any longer. I am not expecting anything to just fall into my laps or be handed to me on a platter of gold, and I am committed to working to get results. I guess I am just asking for help and direction…

Alexander… the Great…

I am fascinated by Ancient Greek Civilization, particularly Hellenistic Greece, and I often wonder what it might have been like to live in that time, especially when the young Macedonian, Alexander, came into power. When I think of Alexander, a profound sadness washes over me, moving me close to tears. I wonder how he must have felt as he lay there dying, knowing he had not yet finished his work.

I wonder if he asked the question many of us still grapple with today; what is the meaning of life? I wonder if after all his accolades, and exploits, he felt a certain emptiness, and a yearning for something greater, which he couldn’t quite place. I wonder if he ever imagined that a young girl, some thousand years later, would come to know his name, and continually think about, and refer to him.

I wonder if he ever thought or attempted to give up, and take up the counsel of those who thought his plans were too ambitious. I wonder what motivated him to continue, and go on in the face of mounting adversity even within his own camp.

I feel Alexander might be able to relate, to understand that feeling of emptiness, loneliness, that prompts us to ask “what else is there, what next?” I am sure he wouldn’t judge us for being foolish enough to drop all else in order to chase our dreams. I feel Alexander died because he lost his best friend, just as many of us die inside as those who we thought would stand by us till the very end have become a little more than a memory. I feel he died, because just like many young visionaries, past and present, he found no one who shared his passion and dream.

Alexander envisioned a world without irrelevant labels such as ethnicity. He dreamed of a world where people were judged based on their potential for success, and not where they were from or who they knew. I believe he married Roxanne as a political statement, and a symbol of his commitment to his dream.

Looking at the world today, I ask, what happened to Alexander’s visions? Why will many great dreams die in part, or entirely with the dreamers? Will I die with my dreams being only half-realized? We praise him in retrospect, but if we had lived at that time, I wonder if we would not have been among those who had said it could not be done…