My Letter to God

Dear God

I don’t know if you can hear the cries of a little, insignificant girl and put an end to this madness.

I know you’ve asked me to have faith and trust in You, but God I’m in so much pain right now.

I’ve never cared so much for anything, yet see how much I cry.

We’re surrounded by an army of Goliaths, and dear Lord, all I ask is that You make me Your David.

Thank you for at least listening to me.

Yours sincerely,
I’ve never felt as much hurt as this.

Happy Independence Day Nigeria…

The tears pour out of my eyes uncontrollably. Nigeria at 53 let us celebrate. But what, I ask, is there to celebrate?

I’m not a sadist or a pessimist of any sort and if you may think of me in that line, or are uncomfortable with my honesty, please go and shoot yourself or something.

Nigeria is 53; celebrate. BULLSHIT!

The families of those students who were killed in Yobe yesterday should celebrate what exactly please? A country that cannot protect its own citizenry?

Oh yes! Let them celebrate how their sons were murdered, some as they slept, by some disillusioned psychopaths.

Let them celebrate a country that cannot keep its citizenry gainfully occupied, either in school or with work, thus creating an army of foot soldiers for terrorist groups.

Yes! Let us celebrate the 40 soldiers who were killed in that ambush and the 60 who are still unaccounted for.

Let us celebrate the innocent keke riders who were brutally murdered by the army. Or maybe indeed Boko Haram operatives will actually choose a place as conspicuous as an uncompleted building as an abode.

Let us celebrate all the souls that are lost everyday up North, while that sad, good for nothing, pathetic and unfortunate joke of a government sits in Aso Rock, improving their retardation skills daily.

Let us celebrate the million and one exceptionally creative and talented minds that are on the streets untapped.

Let us celebrate all the graduates and able bodied individuals who are on the streets homeless, jobless, almost lifeless. Let us celebrate the hopelessness and misfortune they grovel in and their eventual decision to turn to vices of all sorts. Because I tell you as a matter of fact, some of those agberos were once geniuses in their classes.

Let us celebrate the clueless leaders we have; the handicapped never do wells allowing themselves to be led by other blind and brainless entities. Let us celebrate how they continue to lie to the world that Nigeria is fine, meanwhile, the North has become mini Syria.

Let us celebrate “President” Jonathan, who had the audacity to tell Kenyatta that Nigeria would support Kenya with whatever it needs to combat terrorism. We’re that good isn’t it? We’re so good that the Boko Haram leader, Shekau shamed our entire government, parading them as the fools they really are.

Let us celebrate the students who have been at home since July, because the government is too consumed with asininity, greed and a life threatening case of myopia that they cannot even process what a lack of proper education does to any society. Forgive me for trying to assume that the government has the capacity to even think.

Let us celebrate the lawlessness, wickedness and hostility that are more than rampant among us today. Let us celebrate all the bitterness, resentment and animosity we harbor in our hearts towards one another.

Let us celebrate all the “big men” who think they own the world and as such, choose to oppress the “commoners” who have no place in society.

Let us celebrate our 70% poverty rate which the government seems to be indifferent about, while we watch as Hong Kong is thinking up ways to drastically reduce theirs of 20%.

Let us celebrate our non-existent youth leaders; at least that’s how our leaders view it, and frankly, I cannot totally disagree with them.

Let us celebrate all the mothers of tomorrow who are steadily ruining their lives and families now. Let us celebrate all the families of tomorrow that will be without fathers. Let us celebrate all the marriages that will never just work out. Let us celebrate our misguided, lost and unfortunate generation.

Let us celebrate all those who have died in vain; all our dearly beloved martyrs who died thinking they were paving the way to a better Nigeria. And look how we have all just defecated on that nicely paved road.

Let us celebrate all the injustice in Nigeria; all those who have been killed wrongly and all those who will still be killed for no just cause. Let us celebrate a justice system that cannot, as in does not have the capacity to serve justice. Let us celebrate the Aluu 4 whose families may never see justice served.

Let us celebrate every dream that has been crushed and thwarted, every flicker of hope that has been put out and every fire of passion, enthusiasm, zeal and patriotism that has been completely extinguished…

I plan to wear all black tomorrow and mourn my lost country…

I see a bright future, but on a day that is meant to be a celebration of freedom from colonial rule, why can I only see more oppression all around?

We freed ourselves from colonial rule only to willingly enter into the bondage of our own selfishness, greed and hate.

I won’t lie; I will say it as it is. I don’t care who reads this or what impression this gives the world about my country. I quit lying and fooling myself like the rest of you.

I weep for my selfishness, wickedness. I cry because I am inconsiderate, intolerable and rash. I wail because I want to learn patience, love, honesty and hard work, but I am surrounded by a consuming negativity. I mourn for we have all gone astray. We pledged to service, duty and love, but we have only succeeded in killing ourselves, ruining our lives and cursing ourselves.

Nigeria at 53; I mourn my country…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yobe: A state in Northern Nigeria.

Aso Rock: the seat of power in Nigeria.

Boko Haram: a terrorist group in Nigeria with links to Al-Qaeda.

Keke: a tricycle.

Agbero: a tout or hooligan who constitutes a nuisance in society. “Agberos” is the colloquial plural.

Aluu: a community in Rivers state, Nigeria where four University of Port-Harcourt students were beaten to death and then burnt alive by the town’s people for a crime they did not commit. It was the most horrific scene ever. I cried for days unend and lost my ability to sleep.

Tranquil (Part 7)

7.

“You’ve made the nightmares come back. You want to kill me in my sleep. Why not just drive a knife through my heart? You have already killed me; I am merely a walking corpse now.”

Her voice was still, calm and emotionless,

“I had no idea the hurt was still as fresh as this. But you see, he was my husband to be, and you almost killed him.”

I couldn’t believe my ears. Ngozi had sold her heart to the devil.

“Ngozi he raped me! He raped me. Your husband-to-be raped your own sister and you knew it, you know it, you’ve always known it.”

I paused to pull back the unruly tear that was trying to escape.

“You slapped me the first night I encountered the rats Ngozi, you slapped me. And you left the next day.”

“I was young, afraid and confused. I had to protect my marriage”, she said wearily.

“No Ngozi. You were afraid and ashamed that your husband-to-be had raped your sister. You blamed him, but you couldn’t punish him, so you decided to punish me instead. I had a feel of hell on earth Ngozi, and all you did was to pour salt water into my wounds.”

I looked out of my window. The moon shone so brightly. I was in the same room. The rape, the fire and the torture room, the betrayer present with me.

“I am sorry Onyeka. Forgive me.”

I looked at her.

“Don’t bring that bastard into this world. He will be just like me and he will hate you and curse you in spite with much more passion than I. He will even be the one to kill you.”

I waited for her to say it; I yearned for her to say it. She knew me too well; she said it.

“It is Emeka’s child.”

A very loud silence fell on the room.

Forcing myself to break the silence, I asked,

“And how is Emeka?”

“Dead”, she said. 

Tranquil (Part 6)

6.

My cousin lost an eye that day to help get me out.

I lost an entire layer of skin.

Emeka told everyone I had lured him into the room, and when he had refused to go to bed with me, I hit his head with the lantern and then set fire to the room because, according to him, I said “I couldn’t live with the rejection.”

By the time he rushed out to wash away the blood which had filled his eyes already, my room was already up in flames.

He said he had tried to free me, but he couldn’t and so he went to look for a machete or saw to cut through the ceiling.

He begged my family not to be overly angry, but to be lenient and patient with me.

They believed him.

I didn’t sit for my school cert that year or any other year in fact.

I wasn’t allowed to speak. I had brought shame upon my family. I was forced to recuperate in that same room where I had been raped and nearly killed.

That was my punishment.

The nights were terrifying. The most terrifying was when the tiny rats that played in the roof jumped onto my bed due to the absence of the ceiling there.

They fell right onto my burn wounds. I screamed in pain and complete horror.

Ngozi ran in and simply stood and stared at me.

I called out to her.

“Ngozi I’m scared.”

She walked up to me.

“You’re scared?” she asked.

“Yes”.

She slapped me hard. The pain was excruciating. It tore through every muscle, every nerve and every cell in my body as I screamed awake to realized I had only been dreaming.

I looked at my scarred body; it all happened, just not on this night.

This night, I had only been dreaming about the events that marked the beginning of the end of my life.

Unlike the last time when she had eventually left me to go away with her husband, Ngozi was here with me tonight. She was here in my room, watching me in the darkness…